International Naming Council Admits Barry Should Have Been Short For Barrence
GENEVA, Switzerland — In a rare and emotional press conference Tuesday, the International Naming Council formally acknowledged that Barry should almost certainly have been short for Barrence. The admission comes after what officials described as a "multi-year audit of preventable naming oversights," a process that has already uncovered several troubling irregularities, including the existence of Gary as a complete name and the continued lack of a formal version of Keith. "Looking back, it's obvious," said Council Chairwoman Dr. Clementine Applecross while gesturing toward a slide reading Barry → Barrence . "The infrastructure was all there. We had Lawrence. We had Terrence. We had Clarence. Yet somehow Barry was released directly to consumers as a standalone product." The revelation has sent shockwaves through the global naming community. For centuries, experts believed Barry was simply one of those names that emerged fully formed, like Craig or Glenn...
