As Coronavirus Pandemic Explodes, God out to Lunch

Vatican City, Italia — Pope Francis has been left crestfallen after God appears to be avoiding his efforts to connect.

“I’ve hit him up six ways to Sunday,” claimed the cherubic Argentine. “I might have expected him to ignore my calls, texts, and slack DMs. It’s unlike him to ignore the God Signal though.”

The “God Signal” is the Vatican’s spin on the Bat Signal, a beacon designed to summon a mysterious vigilante who’s meant to save the day when the feces hits the fan.

God, has a habit of disappearing when the going gets rough, most notably when your team is losing, and when innocent children get bone cancer.

“He’s asleep at the wheel again,” claimed the Pontiff. “He’s probably playing 1:1 with Kobe because the NBA is canceled.”

More to come.