Break Up Rationale Heavily Borrowed From TLC’s No Scrubs
Digby Fresno, a chemistry teacher at Boca Raton High, thought his relationship with nurse practitioner Jane Irving was rock solid, although she seems to have other ideas.
“At first I didn’t want his number, let alone give him mine. I wasn’t interested in meeting him anywhere, nor sharing any of my time,” claimed Irving. “You might say his persistence broke me.”
But the budding romance seemed to be doomed from the start. “His lack of car was always the kink in the garden hose,” said Jane. “And the fact he always drove around with his BFF Gordon and cat-called me as I was leaving work didn’t help either.”
In Irving’s defense, Digby doesn’t have a lot going for him. It's uncanny how closely Fresno's behavior adheres to the "scrub" definition TLC's Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas outlined in the group's magnum opus. He still lives at home with his mother, and spends an inordinate amount of time sitting on his impoverished derrière — a move befitting of a “busta.” Despite this, close sources confirmed that Fresno maintains he’s “fly.”
This isn't the first time TLC's landmark hit has been evoked for purposes of a break up. University of Central Florida relationship expert Blanche Kale believes it's the clarion call for women to stop settling for suitors beneath them.
“Like many men who landed a woman out of his league, Digby has some challenges with self-awareness," claimed Dr. Kale. "It’s not rocket science: if you have a shorty that you don’t show love, the relationship is not long for this world. Oh yes son, I’m talking to you.”
More to come.
