Trojan Releases Line of “Marie Kondoms,” Letting Through Only Sperm That “Spark Joy”
The product, a condom called, “The Joy Sparker”, is designed to let through only sperm with a chance of producing children of delightful substance, while filtering out would-be drifters and rudderless slobs.
The invention comes on the tails of a UCLA study that’s found parenting isn’t all that it’s cut out to be.
“We acquire clothes. And hold on to them far past their point of diminishing utility,” observed researcher Royce Baltimore. “Wouldn’t it be great if we could do the same with our kids? Alas, we can’t. The Joy Sparker ensures we get the kids we want, not the ones we deserve.”
The announcement has divided public opinion; with supporters claiming The Joy Sparker is savvy family planning, while critics say it’s the first step into the quagmire of genetic engineering.
The ‘Sparker is a testament to the rising influence of the diminutive Japanese guru, who was characteristically clinical about the value the new product affords. “Human beings can only cherish a limited number of things at one time,” Kondo noted. “And dipshit kids aren’t very cherishable.”
More to come.
