Report: Denver Omelet Found To Be The Food Item With Highest Ceiling; Lowest Floor

PALO ALTO, CA — The Denver Omelet has been found to be the food item whose quality can range both from outstandingly delicious, to barely edible, according to a report released by Stanford researchers this week.

The report, which gathered restaurant data and interviews over a two-year period, found the famed Mile-High dish beating out a raft of competitors perceived to have both a transcendent upside and a barely edible nadir. 

“Our hypothesis was that Tikka Masala would be hard to beat,” said Stanford researcher, Beryl Wruck. “We didn’t expect such a strong showing from Pad Thai or (the critics’ choice), Cacio de Pepe.”

The secret to the omelet’s variability is believed to be its unique medley of eggs, diced ham, bell peppers, onions and cheese, that make for a veritable roulette wheel of variables that can range from delectable to disgusting. 

The study’s findings have been described as “objectively schizophrenic” with 93% describing their first experience with the omelet as either “heavenly,” or “scrumptious,” while 85% rated their debut tasting as “unsavory," and in some cases, “rancid.”

“You’d get a more coherent narrative watching Rudy Giuliani debate Herm Edwards about ballet,” said Stanford President Chuck Hightower. “That said, it’s really busted the door wide open on egg-based research, particularly around those mouthwatering Kale Frittatas.”

More to come.