Confirmed: Mike Pence Is A Mother Fucker
In a now controversial 2016 interview, Pence caused a maelstrom of controversy when he disclosed he addresses his wife Karen by the seemingly outdated moniker, “Mother.”
“Given the Pences have conceived three children, it does seem highly probable that they’ve had at least a few rolls in the hay,” posited UCLA Vice Presidential sex scholar, Errol Denver. “This development confirms what many had suspected for a while: Pence is literally a Mother Fucker.”
While it’s easy to fall back on the classic definition of Mother Fucker — a despicable or very unpleasant person — experts have emphasized the rarity of this story. “Whether it’s his zany cartoons in college, the effortless bigotry towards the LGBT community, or his well-known sycophantic brownnosing, Pence’s reputation for being cut from the MoFo cloth is well-established,” claimed esteemed feminist Scholar Gloria Greer. “But using Mother as a pet name for his wife is a level of motherfuckherhood normally reserved for the likes of Martin Shkreli.”
When asked about the confirmation his Vice President is indeed a MoFo, the president’s response was surprisingly well considered, “My administration is full of legitimate motherfuckers. We’ve been doing a terrific job of removing the mere dickheads like Omarosa or assholes like “Sloppy” Steve Bannon. In fact, if you’re not a motherfucker, you probably don’t belong,” claimed the president; leaving unanswered the question of why Chris Christie is still not part of the cabinet.
More to come.
