Senate Majority Leader Thaws Out to Land Coveted Role in Frozen 3

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell's peculiar recent antics are poised to bring him an unexpected windfall.

The senator from the Bluegrass State, known for his recent freezings, has not only ignited Beltway chatter about term limits but has also ignited the curiosity of Disney executives on a quest to recapture the heartland's attention.

"Between Anna and Elsa, we've got the pre-coastal pre-tween market locked down," observed Disney CEO Bob Iger, "but we've got a gaping chasm in the 'decrepit hillbilly' demographic. We're counting on Mitch to bridge that gap for us."

This development arrives at a trying juncture for Disney, as the company grapples with criticism over a barrage of sequels and reboots, leading some to ponder whether the entertainment giant has lost its creative spark.

"We're trying to remain relevant despite being fresh out of new ideas," mused Iger. "And no one embodies that strategy better than Mitch."

More to come.