Sucker Birth Rate Surges to once every 45 seconds; Experts Predict Boom in Gullibility Industry

Boston, MA — In an unprecedented development, recent studies have found that the sucker birth rate is skyrocketing. Once believed to hold steady at a modest one per minute, the rate of suckers being born—those notoriously gullible or naive individuals—has surged, leaving experts both baffled and bemused.

The phrase "There's a sucker born every minute," associated with 19th-century showman P. T. Barnum, has taken on new urgency. Despite debate Barnum ever uttered the phrase, it's long been a rallying cry for gamblers and shakedown artists.

"We're essentially witnessing a Moore's Law of idiocy," noted renowned sucker birth rate guru Jude Fluke of the Institute for Gullibility Studies at Harvard University. "If you've been paying attention to the public discourse, this will come as no surprise to anyone."

Moore's Law, which posits that the pace of technological change is accelerating, serves as a compelling parallel. Fluke continued, "With an ever-increasing number of suckers being born, the potential for exponential growth in gullibility is staggering."

The gullibility industry, long a niche market dominated by late-night infomercials and dubious diet supplements, is poised for a golden age. Investors are flocking to the burgeoning field of sucker-based enterprises, sensing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

"We're living in a golden age of suckerdom," said Fluke, his eyes twinkling with the kind of enthusiasm typically reserved for lottery winners and multi-level marketing participants. "Every minute, a fresh-faced innocent is born into a world rife with opportunities to be bamboozled, hoodwinked, and generally taken for a ride."

As the sucker birth rate continues to climb, the rest of us can only watch in awe (and a little bit of dread) as the future unfolds, one sucker at a time.

More to come.