STUDY: Weight Room Tall Tales Told at the Office, Highest Among Ponytailed Men
San Francisco, CA — It’s not uncommon for a gaggle of colleagues to congregate in company gathering areas and gush over their lives off the clock. It’s even less unusual for this collection of rank and file to stretch the truth of their exploits outside the office. And, as the company water cooler has long been the hotbed of humblebrag, the alliterative lede above, could only be paid off with the results of a nearby university study.
In the time honored tradition of men blatantly lying about their feats of strength, the results of a recent study conducted at San Francisco State University have revealed some interesting details.
Tina Feretti, the SF State Sociology major who conducted the study, surveyed over 100 different office workers and found that more often than not, the men who boasted about how much weight they could throw around at the gym tended to sport a style of cut known as the “Witcihita Waterfall,” which also happens to be reminiscent of the style that teen girls wear their long locks on those balmy August nights.
When reached out to for questioning, most ponytailed men wanted nothing to do with this reporter. But, one kind gentleman did have a few things to say. Robert Turpin, who said he “dead ass” has a personal record of 265 lbs on the bench, was more than happy to comment.
“A lot of guys see it as a way to get ahead, talking about their gym routine. So, of course they’ll stretch the truth. But, you get to the gym and they’re always injured or having an ‘off day.’ Me? I’m in it for the health of it all. I have no aspirations of being as sad as a sack of saddlebags,” said Mr. Turpin, who then asked: “So, what’s up? You want to see what kind of goods I’m working with?” Rest assured, his offer was declined.
In closing, another oddity that emerged from the study was the propensity of these ponytailed, braggadocious men to claim there vow of masturbatory celibacy. Mr. Turpin, for his part, when asked about this specific assertion merely said, “I just don’t need it.”
More on that portion of the study, when this publication can get all hands on deck.
In the time honored tradition of men blatantly lying about their feats of strength, the results of a recent study conducted at San Francisco State University have revealed some interesting details.
Tina Feretti, the SF State Sociology major who conducted the study, surveyed over 100 different office workers and found that more often than not, the men who boasted about how much weight they could throw around at the gym tended to sport a style of cut known as the “Witcihita Waterfall,” which also happens to be reminiscent of the style that teen girls wear their long locks on those balmy August nights.
When reached out to for questioning, most ponytailed men wanted nothing to do with this reporter. But, one kind gentleman did have a few things to say. Robert Turpin, who said he “dead ass” has a personal record of 265 lbs on the bench, was more than happy to comment.
“A lot of guys see it as a way to get ahead, talking about their gym routine. So, of course they’ll stretch the truth. But, you get to the gym and they’re always injured or having an ‘off day.’ Me? I’m in it for the health of it all. I have no aspirations of being as sad as a sack of saddlebags,” said Mr. Turpin, who then asked: “So, what’s up? You want to see what kind of goods I’m working with?” Rest assured, his offer was declined.
In closing, another oddity that emerged from the study was the propensity of these ponytailed, braggadocious men to claim there vow of masturbatory celibacy. Mr. Turpin, for his part, when asked about this specific assertion merely said, “I just don’t need it.”
More on that portion of the study, when this publication can get all hands on deck.
