Confirmed: God Not a Stranger on a Bus

Bethel, Ohio - Contrary to what we’ve all been led to believe by Joan Osborne’s 1994 smash hit, “One of Us,” the big man (or, woman) upstairs is indeed not.

A recent study conducted by University of Cincinnati Junior, Patrice Enright in his social studies dissertation, concluded that a deity (such as an omnipresent God) wouldn't be caught, in ever-last life, loitering amongst the plebes of everyday society.

After extensive research around his hometown of the Queen City, and then several sojourns to nearby Louisville, Columbus, and Cleveland, no such higher power was found in the common people in any of the metropolitan areas. Enright, conducted his research through a series of interviews with people like those mentioned in the scenarios of Ms. Osborne’s siren song.

“Gerald? Nah, that old bum ass ain’t worth nothing. Tell him I owe him a kick in the ass,” said a tenured bus driver in Columbus who asked that he go unnamed in this article. Furthermore, government officials in Louisville balked at the idea of God meandering around the streets of Louisville, which just so happens to be the hometown of Ms. Osborne (who bears no relation to a man many consider a God: Ozzy).

Unfortunately, Osborne could not be reached for comment neither by the Daily Weekly or Enright himself, who maintained he was merely. “Waiting for a call,” from the famed singer songwriter.