EVERLANE RELEASES NEW LINE OF STRIPED LINEN SHIRTS; JUMPS SHARK.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA. With the release of its mens linen shirts, San Francisco retailer Everlane, known for its fashionable but timeless basics, has jumped the shark, it’s been reported.

 “I think it’s safe to assume our zenith is behind us, says Everlane CEO Michael Preysman. “Nothing says you’re past it more than a relaxed fit, looser through the body short sleeve shirt in muted celadon.”

The new line of short sleeve shirts, with slightly dropped shoulders and longer sleeves, billed as the “Tommy Bahama for Millennials” is already gaining momentum from unlikely corners.

Lane Kiffin, head coach of the reigning C-USA champion, the Florida Atlantic Owls, seemed thrilled with Everlane’s brazen grab for the lucrative dadbod market. “Linen is a must have fabric for these steamy Boca Raton evenings,” said Mr. Kiffin. “It's cool to the touch and looks great without ironing. You guys hiring by the way?”

The linen shirts are the first step down the rabbit hole of irrelevance, with the retailer looking to learn from other brands who have needlessly lost their cool.  Preysman continued, “We’re still looking for our “New Coke” home run. Right now I’m prepping for the launch of our fishing waders by reading up on the demise of LA Gear and British Knights, should be fun.”

More to come.