Yelp Reviewer, Latest to Receive AB's Wrath

MIAMI, FL — Local man, Ranjan Escabee, felt like he might have gotten a raw deal while visiting a South Florida Applebee's on Saturday night. 

Conflicted by the sheer volume of choice when it came to appetizers, Mr. Escabee, went the route of ordering a sampler, thinking that would then take the place of his whole meal. 

What he got was a “deal rawer than the one AB gave the whole NFL,” which is how he described his pitiful meal on the now viral Yelp review. As a member of the Yelp Elite Squad, Escabee’s reviews are so visible, this one eventually caught the notice of the much maligned former pass catcher, Antonio Brown. 

Quickly moving things to a different platform, Brown took to Twitter to share the review that bore his name, accompanied by a diss paragraph so full of typos, it’s hard to believe that it wasn’t written by a 5th grader. 

Brown, who’s CTE has been frequently acting up lately, went at Escabee’s athleticism or lack thereof, claiming he’d not only ‘put a whooping on him,’ but that he could surely beat him in any man coverage scheme even a defensive genius like Wade Phillips could design. Phillips, and his sweater vest, could not be reached for comment. 

When we contacted Mr. Escabee, he simply stated he didn’t have anything to add to the matter, seemingly wanting to put it behind him, just like Mr. Brown’s chances of regaining any sanity.