Twitter to Ban Political Advertising; Allows Nose Ring Bling

San Francisco, CA — Shots have been fired across the bow of Facebook, as Twitter announced this week it will ban political advertising; but are ok with Jack Dorsey's nose ring — or piercings of any kind for that matter. 

The move is a clear dig at Facebook which has drawn public fire for its “don’t ask, don’t tell approach” to any flavor of any ne’er-do-well weaponizing its platform. 

“When faced with a choice between ad dollars and nasal sovereignty, our choice is clear,” noted Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey. “If you’re a Russian bot, your days are over, if you want to puncture the cartilage of your snout, you’re welcome on Twitter.”

When asked for comment, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg was visibly shaken, “Sure, Jack has got the political money off their platform, but it’s still a cesspit of septum-pierced weirdos. And probably other body modifications too.”

When asked to respond to Zuckerberg's comments, a representative for Dorsey said, "Sorry, Jack's in a screen-time fast in the Mojave."

More to come.