Report: Forget the Dad sneakers, hypebeasts and hipsters go next-level with the diabetic shoe.

DES MOINES, IA — A fellow millennial hypebeast curtly told me recently after his third white peach & gin fizz, "don't follow me, I'm lost too." He wasn't talking about on YouTube or Instagram, or in life choices. But I'll follow his footsteps, more particularly — his shoes.

I'm talking about the diabetic shoe... And no, not the $965 Balenciaga chunky geezer shoe. Or the dad shoe-dadcore phenom reintroducing irony, unabashed comfort, and unremarkably to the public consciousness. The diabetic footwear — dubbed 'DS' for short — have kicked right through normcore and into a new echelon of irony and comfort that's making its case as a gorpcore staple.

Established diabetic shoe outlets like Orthopedic Shop have cleared their shelves, and it's not baby boomers or a drastic uptick in sugar consumption fanning the fad. "I just know what’s happening," says Doris Milford of the Orthopedic Shop, "we're getting all these orders from big city addresses with names I've never really heard of like Brandon and Ashley. We're running out. And it's all this thing called Venmo, it’s not through Medicare."

Maybe hipsters don't respect the elders. Maybe in their Darwinian society, if you have diabetes, it's because overloaded the sugar in your Folgers for too long, or downed a daily Dunkins’. Or perhaps people's needs are just out of their vortex.

Putting them on I was struck by the single velcro strap; now one can spend more time on Instagram and less time lacing. Plus, don't laced like choke seals or something? And that cushioning, the sole coddles those precious feet like mom and dad coddled my adolescence. And the underwhelming colorways will spark joy, even if the hipsters won't smile.

"What's next? .... Earl from Waupaca, gripes, "these damn kids gonna start putting insulin in their fancy matcha lattes?" Don't give them any ideas, Earl.