Houston Rockets GM Apologizes; For Being named Daryl

Houston, TX — In a never before seen move, the general manager of an NBA team has apologized for his dorky given name.

Daryl Morey, the well-respected wonk GM of the Houston Rockets caused a stir this week when he tweeted his support for the Hong Kong resistance against the People’s Republic of China.

The tweet set in motion a tide of uproar, with many expecting an apology. Morey issued one, but not for the reasons many expected.

“I hereby completely and fulsomely apologize for my first name, Daryl” began Morey. My parents were regular people, and in 1970 it seemed like a safe bet. It was never my intention to offend anyone.”

The move has drawn attention to other people sporting the name, with NBA icon Darryl “Chocolate Thunder” Dawkins, and 80s mainstay Daryl Hannah also offering their public condolences.

The apology is seen as a bellwether in "nameshaming," a trend where people with drab names are bullied into apologizing for a name lacking pizzazz.

“Sure we’re sorry,” noted Hannah. “But we’re not alone. Does this mean every Gary and Bernard will be apologizing too?”

In the humble opinion of this reporter, yes.

More to come.