Homeless Also Threaten Move from Oakland to Vegas, Following MLB’s Latest Proposal

Oakland, CA — It seems another group of Oakland residents are hopping on the proverbial train leaving the station. While the Warriors have already left and the Raiders are gearing for a Las Vegas move, Major League Baseball is now threatening to send the Athletics along with the silver and black. All of these recent departures has the city’s large population of homeless people thinking it’s their time to go as well. 

“It’s bad enough that the nicest place to live is a shed under the freeway, but it really stings that we can’t buy booze whenever we want. But, you can in Vegas,” said a local man who goes by the name of Pimples. 

The homeless population, which has multiplied in recent years, is finding it tougher and tougher to carve out their little piece of grass in a city where not even a month’s worth of unemployment checks can pay the rent. And, most of the tent pitching residents have simply had enough. 

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it gets unreasonably cold during the summers here in California,” said a notable resident of the Lake Merritt neighborhood, only known as, The Bird Lady. She went on to say, “I ought to give that desert heat a try. Could be good for me and my birds.” 

This latest departure threat represents another tough look on Oakland, a city always showing a lot of promise, but never quite figuring out how to capitalize on it. And it poses perhaps the most thought provoking question of all. If the city’s most maligned residents are looking for a way out, is anyone going to even live there before too long?