Following Olive Garden, other “Fauxreign” Food Companies to offer Lifetime Passes

Orlando — FL. After Olive Garden announced its lifetime “Pasta Pass,” a deluge of mid-tier restaurants based on false geography have introduced unlimited deals.

Like America’s collective waistline, the demand for faux-international cuisine has softened — the all-you-can-eat-pass is fauxreign chains' way of fighting back.

“It’s really a smorgasbord of trends working against us,” said fauxreign casual spokesperson Wendell Stovepipe. “Quality, authenticity, and the public’s desire for healthy food, have made us tighten our belts. Yes I understand it’s ironic.”

Panda Express was the first to offer a “forever menu,” which despite a small skirmish over crab rangoons at a Sheboygan restaurant, went off without a hitch. And Outback Steakhouse’s “Bottomless Bloomin’ Onions” was declared a “crikey mate success,” by a food critic for the Sacramento Bee, in a culinary stupor that seemed to jumble basic sentence structure. 

“Americans appetite for fictionalized foreign staples can’t be satiated,” continued Stovepipe. “Type 2 diabetes is somehow more exotic when acquired from overseas.”

More to come.