Needing Answer for Drake; Warriors enlist Raiders Owner’s Prince Valiant Haircut

TORONTO, ON — With their backs against the wall in the NBA finals, the Golden State Warriors have signed Raiders owner Mark Davis to play a key role in negating Drake’s influence. 

The well known Canadian rapper has caused a stir with his sideline antics, with the Warriors looking to sign a “big game agitator” to curb his impact. 

The move comes after Golden State's first attempt at countering Drake — having part owner Mark Stevens tackle Kyle Lowry — was met with widespread derision. 

Fortunately for the Warriors, they had to look no further than the nearby Oakland Coliseum where the oddball Raiders owner resides. 

“People think Drake is a distraction” said Dubs’ coach Steve Kerr. “Let’s see how well Kawhi plays with a guy on the sideline with a bowl cut tinkering with a Motorola Razr.” 

While his hairstyle is at the heart of this signing, the Raiders owner brings a myriad of quirks the Warriors hope can use to offset Drake’s niggle. 

“Mark’s a fanny pack wearing billionaire that drives a ‘97 Dodge Caravan,” said Warriors owner and analytics wonk Joe Lacob. “We’re hoping that cognitive dissonance is enough to inspire a few airballs from the charity stripe.”

More to come.