Trump Awards Tiger Woods Presidential Medal of Freedom, “For Getting The Most Beautiful Women. You’d Love them. I Promise.”
The president overlooked Woods’ drought breaking Masters win last month, and bestowed the honor for “services to getting women.”
“No one knows beautiful women better than Tiger,” said the 45th President. “Except for me. I get beautiful women. The best women. Trust me they’re beautiful.”
The move is, to put it mildly, a controversial one. Since Woods shanked his career into the rough by admitting to one too many bad lays, the one time prodigy has been in search of a mulligan. One the Commander in Chief seemed happy to bestow.
The president went on to describe the golfer’s reputation as a prolific pantsman, singling out one incident outside a Perkins Diner where he had sex in a parking lot with a menstruating waitress.
Trump continued. “The guy’s a winner. Period. Or no period.”
More to come.
