Confirmed Child Mouthkisser to Appear in Ninth Super Bowl

Foxborough, Mass — In a tragically bizarre development, a well known mouthkisser of young boys has advanced to his ninth Super Bowl. 

Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr., a well known slinger of the pigskin, has managed to slip through the cracks of public outrage and advance to another NFL championship game. 

“Look, Tom may well be the GOAT on the field. But he has some weird proclivities outside the lines,” said Sheboyan Star beat writer Sterling Delaware. “He has a side hustle selling junk science to the gullible, and I’m pretty sure man-to-boy lip touching has been unacceptable since Michael Jackson’s 1991 trial.”

The genesis of Brady's mouthkissing may ironically be linked to the book of Genesis. Brady is a committed follower of Catholicism -- an esoteric religion, beginning in the 1st Century AD in which fathers are required to kiss young boys -- a tradition still practiced by the Vatican today. 

As with many star players, the talking heads are looking past Brady’s boy smooching antics, and focusing on his character traits unrelated to child kissing “Can’t you seen how handsome he is?” Claimed longtime fanboy, Skip Bayless. “He’s also way more clutch than LeBron.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Brady is enjoying strong support within the child mouthkisser community, most of whom are either incarcerated, or uncles named Gordo. 

More to come.