After 5 Black Coaches Axed, NFL Commissioner Goodell Looks To Oust Most Black Players Too

New York, NY -- As if league wide collusion to keep Colin Kaepernick weren’t enough, the National Football Leagues’ commissioner, Roger Goodell, is eyeing plans to whitewash the league’s player personnel. In a new initiative being circulated around league offices, Goodell plans to “level the playing field” by eliminating most, if not all, of the league’s African American players.

Apparently, the amount of black coaches (7) had reached a heightened level, which drew the ire of Goodell and his inner circle — not to mention, White America. It’s a phenomenon not too dissimilar to when 20-something-single socialites find their Urban neighborhoods overrun with baby strollers, one day. The atmosphere soon becomes thick with tension and the social media posts, largely passive aggressive.

With the clearing out of the overwhelming majority of non-white coaches, Goodell, soon hopes to accomplish the same with the rank and file of players in his beloved league.

“We’ve all seen these guys dominate on the field long enough. We get it, you’re better than us. Time to give your slower, fatter partner, ‘Good Old Whitey’ a chance to shine,” said NFL spokesperson closest to the initiative, Kurt Timberline, who insists the move is a push toward equality and not away from it.

“Like many of the recent coaching hires, we’re looking to indiscriminately hire more unqualified players on the basis of their good looks, tenuous connections to success or just for no reason at all. Pretty simple, really,” Timberline would go on to say.

As for Goodell, he could not be reached for comment at this time. He was busy preparing for what he calls the “last black playoffs” to be seen for a while.