Obese Passenger Hogging Arm Rest told to “Check your Wide Privilege”

Buffalo, NY — A regularly scheduled flight between Buffalo and Cleveland has emerged as a battleground for intersectional friction.

The United flight left Buffalo airport as scheduled but quickly spiraled into a maelstrom of name calling when a Decorated Iraqi war hero told a heavy-set Buffalo based insurance adjuster, to “Check your Wide Privilege.”

The incident has sparked a national discussion about middle armrest sovereignty, and who deserved it more.

The two men at the center of the debate couldn’t be much further apart. In the middle seat sat decorated Military veteran lieutenant commander and thrice Purple Heart recipient Scott Christiansen. Mr. Christiansen wears a set of prosthetic titanium legs, having lost both due to a landmine explosion outside Fallujah on his third tour of Iraq.

In the aisle seat sat Buffalo based insurance adjuster Rand “The Wing King” Shasta. A Netflix enthusiast and occasional fortniter, Mr. Shasta is a diehard Sabers fan, and a frequent guest at The Cheesecake Factory.

While the right wing media is aligning behind war hero Christiansen, the left is saying Shasta is being unnecessarily vilified by an angry military jock suffering from PTSD.

“It’s just another example of fat shaming, pure and simple," Claimed Shasta. “Scott’s just butthurt I didn’t thank him for his service. These vets think the sun shines out of their ass and I’m the bad guy because I don’t mind a twinkie or five? Give me a break.”

Christiansen himself, a seemingly affable chap, claims this is nothing but speculation. “Since Oscar Pistorious went ape shit people look at me like some kind of legless Rambo. It’s just not who I am. But frankly, Rand could stand to miss a dinner or two. Is it a crime to point that out?”

An anonymous spokesperson for United refused to take sides in the issue, but lamented the missed opportunity to “bag and drag” either of the men. “I think it’s well known what we do to when our passengers cause a ruckus," he chuckled nefariously. “Next time they fly the friendly skies, don’t be surprised if they leave with carpet burns.”

More to come.