Alabama Star QB to Get Spanking from Father if He Fails to Win Heisman Trophy this Saturday

Tuscaloosa, AL - As we approach the 84th Heisman Trophy Award Ceremony this Saturday night, at least one of the favorites to win that little bronze man striking a historic pose, fears what may literally fall on his behind if he loses.

Tua Tagovailoa, the Sophomore phenom for the University of Alabama Crimson Tide, recently revealed the strict nature of his upbringing in a cringeworthy interview that inexplicably ran unedited on ESPN. The interview went on to include soundbites from Tua’s father, Galu, in which the latter boasted about how hard he was on his young, impressionable son.

What was not discussed in the piece, but later revealed to this reporter by an independent source, was Galu’s intention to “make him pay” if his son happens to let the nation’s most prestigious college football award slip through his fingers. Galu, has even gone so far as to include the Tuscaloosa chapter of The Kappa Sigma Fraternity in the shaming of his son, agreeing to borrow their sturdiest paddle for the lesson he may well have to teach.

Once the clear favorite, Tun's Heisman candidacy has slipped of late, thanks to a less than ideal performance and subsequent injury in the SEC Championship Game and then the strong finish of another star Quarterback wearing crimson for a different school: Kyler Murray.  

Murray, heads a potent Oklahoma Sooners offense, and has posted jaw-dropping numbers and according to a growing crowd, has played more impressively than Tua, who plays on a far superior team. Murray's now the odds on favorite to win the award.

As if that weren’t bad enough news for Tua, Oklahoma grad and fellow child-beating fan, Adrian Peterson, has agreed to step up for the elder Tagovailoa to be the one to wallop the youngster if and when it indeed it gets down to it. Galu, thought it might add extra insult to injury if he were to lose to two Sooners at once. Plus, Peterson, is "Just a freak of nature with superior strength," and what better way to enforce a message of pain with a call to arms like Oklahoma's well trodden, "Boomer Sooner."

Tua could not be reached for comment at this time, but his father, Galu, had this to say: “I don’t expect anything but the best for my son. What’s second place, anyway? That’s right, the first loser. But, he better wear two sets of undies to the PlayStation theater. Because if he turns out to be a loser, his cheeks will be redder than Jerry Sandusky’s after an hour in a kindergarten.”

So, as you sit around watching the Heisman Trophy Ceremony, just know that your butt will be a lot more comfortable than Tua’s may soon be.