Report: Letter Out of Dogs Finally Comes Clean

Port of Spain, Trinidad and Tobago — Standing outside the gates of the Beaux-Arts style government building known as The Red House, Mr. Emmanuel Laser announced to the rest of the world that it was he who was responsible for the act in question throughout The Baha Men’s classic track, “Who Let the Dogs Out.”

“It was late one summer night. I might have a had a few too many Carib Shandys, a couple of jazz cigarettes, and definitely too much sun. I stumbled upon a wild party and I don’t know, I just got excited,” said Mr. Laser in a lame attempt to cop to his dastardly deed of allowing contained K9s to run amok during a raucous shindig of song and dance. 

A tale immortalized in the annals of song, the incident led to the eventual end of the festivities, as dancing souls were scattered about by the “flea infested mongrels” who chased each other in, out, around, and under the legs of their gyrating human counter parts. 

Anslem Douglas, who originally wrote the anthem during the Trinidad and Tobago Carnival season, was relieved to bring an end to the mystery of who destroyed his kid brother’s birthday party. Douglas, for his part, only meant the song to be a pointed reference to rebel rousers in his adopted city of Port of Spain. 

Only later was it then blasted out into the culture canon by the Grammy Award winning Bahamian artists, The Baha Men. Of course, by that point, the story was so huge, Mr. Laser went into hiding for fear of his life. Fortunately for Douglas, time heals all wounds and Mr. Laser felt deep down in his heart that his admission of guilt was really the right thing to do.

When reached out to for comment, Baha Men lead, Rik Carey, responded with a written statement. The Junakaroo legend said , "Thank you Mr. Laser, for inspiring the story Mr. Douglas so eloquently committed to song. You are an inspiration. Come down to Nassau sometime and we'll party the true Caribbean way. Not that silly T and T style." 

In the end, Mr. Douglas opted not to press charges, citing both an expired statute of limitations as well as a general sense of relief over knowing who the culprit of the wide spread release of our four-legged friends was. Besides, the two parties had never previously met, Mr. Laser being merely a wayward stranger on the island that fateful eve.

At last, it now seems that life as we know it, is finally back to normal in Port of Spain.