Senior Marketing Manager has Totally Innocent Thai Massage, Tells Co-Workers

Palo Alto, CA — Yesterday, during lunch at a large Silicon Valley tech campus, a Senior Marketing Manager named, Steven Stewart, spoke openly about a massage he’d received while on a recent family vacation to Thailand, while eating Korean fusion tacos at a table full of onlooking female coworkers. The massage, he went out of his way to mention, was totally innocent and acceptable in the eyes of the God. 

The all-female audience at his table was skeptical at first, curious by Steven’s apparent torment over events that unfolded months prior inside of a bamboo thatched, beach-side cabana. But, they were able to catch on to Steven’s inferences once he’d told the group women listening along that their other co-worker named Derek, was the one who recommended the massage in the first place. Derek, however, was not present during Steven’s telling of the massage in question, where he was summarily and unnecessarily thrown under the proverbial mass transit vehicle. Nor did he reply to email or text message requests for an interview on this topic. 

“We thought, well if Derek told him to get the massage in Phuket, we pretty much know what that meant,” said Karen, a 27-year-old marketer on the rise, who would go on to say rather unsavory things about Derek’s proclivities that this reporter does not care to type out on the Internet. About her manager, Steven, she would go on to say, “But, I trusted Steven’s judgement. A man of his faith, just wouldn’t trade skins with a female of ill repute. Besides, he was on that vacation with his wife and kids.” 

Steven, a husband and father of two, a devout Baptist, and graduate of the Baylor University honors college, doesn’t even drink alcohol, let alone participate in morally questionable body rubs. Karen thinks that’s why he even insisted on telling the story of his handling by a Southeast Asian — a woman likely to have been paid for heinous acts — in the first place. According to Karen, Steven told his tale to merely display the moral superiority he maintained on the one occasion he exposed his nether regions to the awaiting embrace of Thai temptress. 

Faced with the lure of something perhaps more enjoyable than a pair of hands squeezing your joints and muscles, Steven, took the high road and thought of his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and then about his wife and kids sometime after that — opting for only a mildly pleasant and not quite a, “Happy” ending to his massage.